Insights Learned by Observing a Family at a Hospital Bedside
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Colleagues:
As an intern, I cared for many patients at the end of their life. One particular death still haunts me 45 years later.
An inpatient on a VA pulmonary ward was dying of emphysema. Every day, I fielded calls from numerous family members, all asking how their relative was doing. Every day, I repeated the same message, that “Uncle Joe” was near death, and the time to visit was now. However, no one came. On the fourth day of my rotation, Uncle Joe died, and I made the calls to everyone who had previously contacted me.
Immediately, before the staff cleared the bed, all the relatives suddenly converged at the bedside. It was pandemonium. None of the relatives were on good terms with each other, and none had come to visit my patient during his time in the hospital. They were yelling at each other, arguing over who was going to get the VA $255 burial money. And they were doing so at the bedside, with the corpse still in the bed.
To die alone, with no one to care about you except for your burial money, is a depressing tragedy.
To those of you who are just starting out in your practice, I recommend assigning one person (ideally the next of kin or the patient’s health care proxy) to be your contact person for communicating with the patient’s family. So instead of fielding lots of calls from lots of people, you will save time and grief if you only deal with one person.
To those of you who have loving family and faithful friends, I urge you to call them today, now, as soon as you finish reading this, to tell them how much you love and appreciate them. Count them among your blessings in this life.
All the best,
Jerome C. Cohen, MD
MSSNY President
